How Must I Live?

In October 2024 we met Ryan Andrew in Jakarta, Indonesia. We got enthusiastic about his photography project “How Must I Live? and did sponsor it.

Ryan met several Queer people, living in different parts of Indonesia. He joined their lives for a short period and Ryan did see, felt and experimented which part(s) of their sexual and/or gender identity resonated with him. His  interaction with other Queers in order to self-explore, resulting in a photography series in his personal photography language. See the results as a video-production.

In the autumn of 2025, this project will lead to a solo Exhibition in Yogyakarta, Indonesia.

Photographer Ryan Andrew about “How Must I Live?”

“How Must I Live?” is a project that consist a journey of self-discovery through small fragments of memories shaped by loss and fear. It is also a new chapter to delve into my nightmare experiences, allowing myself to heal wounds from the past and find the truth I seek.

Generally, in Indonesia, queer individuals are those who do not wish to be “labeled” or have their presence known due to multi-layered discrimination. In order to pursue their professions in non- normative sectors, they have to seek safe spaces to express themselves in order to have equal rights and treatment as other citizens. In severe cases, discriminatory behavior against queer groups sometimes intrudes into the private sphere and results in acts of violence due to being deemed heretic.

On the other hand, as an individual who grew up in an environment where men are placed as the sole bearers of dominant primary power, I witnessed society adhering to values of toxic masculinity and heteronormativity. Therefore, a story about the resilience of queer individuals in Indonesia is relevant both for me personally and my subjects.

Robert Witlox and photographers Ryan Andrew and Yoppy Pieter,
China Town, Jakarta, October 2024.